It's unbelievable, you know that? Lane Kiffin's luck, good fortune. That intersection where right place meets right time? That's the corner of Lane and Kiffin. The guy's so lucky, he could drive his car, get lost, look down at his phone for directions and run into the back of the car ahead of him -- as it was trying to get away from a bank robbery.
Lane Kiffin, hero.
That's some fiction for another day. The fiction for today?
Lane Kiffin, genius.
Every bit as laughable as the thwarted bank robbery example, only this one is really happening. Four games into his time as Alabama's offensive coordinator, Lane Kiffin is being seriously mentioned as the eventual replacement for Nick Saban.
Lane Kiffin, Alabama head coach.
Spit-out-your-coffee funny, that. But it's being proposed by the most influential sports writer in Alabama, a guy whose brain is really smart and whose work is really good, and now Lane Kiffin's greatness has been brought to the attention of Nick Saban himself.
Luckily for my sanity, Saban pulled a Saban and refused to play along. He was asked Tuesday if he'd given Kiffin "more latitude to open things up." The question continued, something about putting the ball into the hands of Alabama's playmakers, but Saban was already shaking his head and saying "no" and "not at all." Because Lane Kiffin isn't the genius behind Alabama's offense.
Alabama's third-best running back is Kenyan Drake, who was the top recruit in Georgia as a high school senior. State champion in the 100-meter dash. Ran for 694 yards last season as a sophomore. Averaged 7.5 yards per carry. This season he leads the team with four rushing touchdowns in four games, on only 22 carries. He has caught four passes out of the backfield. Scored on two. One went 87 yards.
Alabama's third-best running back.
Lane Kiffin, genius? Please. I mean it. Please stop this madness right now. Do what Nick Saban did Tuesday and refuse to go along. Saban spoke for almost five minutes on Lane Kiffin and gave him exactly two compliments. Now listen, he did give those compliments. I'm not saying Saban doesn't respect Kiffin. That would be stupid.
Saban could have hired pretty much anybody to be his offensive coordinator this season, and he picked Kiffin. Why? Because Kiffin's a pretty good offensive coordinator, I guess, though who really knows? He has been an OC at two schools, USC and Alabama. We've been over the talent Alabama has. Who did USC have when Kiffin was in that job (some of which he shared with an assistant named Steve Sarkisian, who's not so bad himself)? Two Heisman winners, Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush. LenDale White. John David Booty the next year. Future pros at receiver, tight end and offensive line.
Lane Kiffin, genius? Possibly in one regard: He has a genius for selling himself. The guy spun me like a top a few years ago when I went to Los Angeles to talk to him, now at USC, and ask him what in the world was wrong with him at Tennessee. Kiffin was so good that day, so humble and charming and seemingly mortified by his actions at Tennessee, that I bought it. Wrote this story about the new Lane Kiffin.
And then he proceeded to be same ol' Lane, lying about his No. 1 vote and doing weird things to footballs and jerseys -- took me only four months to write a whole other story on Kiffin -- and ultimately losing like USC should never lose before being fired midseason last year because everyone in Los Angeles was just so sick of the guy.
Back to Saban. He was asked Tuesday about Kiffin, and about Alabama's wide-open offense -- it has gained more yards after four games than any Alabama team ever has -- and Saban refused to give Kiffin all the credit. Hell, Saban wanted some for himself. Don't blame him either. Here's what he said, after he stopped shaking his head and saying "no" and "not at all."
"I've been begging the offensive coordinators around here to open it up ever since I've been here," Saban said. "Jimbo Fisher was the best offensive coordinator I ever had that did what I wanted to do -- and everybody [after him] wants to run the ball."
Saban allowed for the sensibleness of that strategy, noting Alabama has had great offensive lines and running backs and usually has the lead, leaving it unsaid that it worked -- Alabama won three national titles from 2009-12 -- while concluding that "it was smart to play the way we played."
But then Saban got back to the real secret behind his offense: the skill players. He eventually noted that "Lane does a really, really good job of taking advantage of what players can do," but then spent more time on this offense's negatives -- inconsistent line play, silly penalties -- before reminding everyone that Kiffin is just doing what Saban always wanted to do.
"My philosophy hasn't changed at all," Saban said. "I've always asked for this. 'You know, why don't we throw the ball on this look -- instead of running this play where we can't block everybody?' Which is what we do now."
But the offense everyone seems so crazy about? Still needs work, Saban said.
"In my opinion we have not arrived as an offense," Saban said. "[Kiffin] would be the first to tell you that, and I'd tell you that too. All right? So you know, I've already said, a lot of the things we did in the last game will get you beat. You turn the ball over four times and get nine penalties on offense, you're not going to win many games."
Not true. With Alabama's talent and Alabama's head coach, it's going to win a lot of games regardless of what happens on offense. And regardless of who the offensive coordinator is. Alabama beat Florida by 21 points on Saturday, and while the Gators hung around for a while, it wasn't anywhere near that competitive.
After his five minutes on Kiffin were up Tuesday, Saban had spent more time complimenting himself for hiring Kiffin than complimenting Kiffin. Saban was asked about how he gets along with Kiffin, whom he is often seen giving the stink-eye on the sideline. Saban was defensive at first, and I mean really defensive, before concluding like so:
"I thought it was a good hire," he said. "Nobody else did. I got beat up like a drum over doing it, and now all of a sudden it's great. You guys don't have any consequences for what you say and do. Our stuff ends up out here on the field on Saturday and if it isn't done right, there's consequences, in front of a lot of millions.
"It's a different kind of scorecard than you all got to live with."
So true. Sports writers do something stupid, and nobody notices. Sort of like the way Lane Kiffin has skated through life. He has been a head coach of three teams, all of them sensational football traditions -- Raiders, Tennessee, USC -- and was a disaster at all three. He has been an offensive coordinator at two places, arguably the two biggest football factories in college football (Alabama, USC), working under future Hall of Fame head coaches and working with an overload of future NFL talent.
Lane Kiffin, senator's son.