I'm going to be right up front here: I have watched almost zero baseball this season outside of my beloved Boston Red Sox, who were pathetic enough to get me to stop watching baseball altogether in late August/early September. That being said, it's 2019 and not being adequately equipped to comment on something doesn't seem to stop anyone from weighing in on the popular discussions. As such, I have tapped into my very extensive baseball knowledge to provide a handy guide for the 2019 playoffs and why you should (and also shouldn't) root for every team.

Brewers

Reasons to root for them: They have the guy who looks like Pete Davidson and everyone loves to root for Pete Davidson. (Yes, I know the Pete Davidson guy is hurt). They also have the closest affiliation to beer of any team in the playoffs and beer is very good. Their ballpark has a slide.

Reasons to root against them: They don't wear their best uniforms all the time. The old school blue and yellow was great and that throwback Brewers logo with the 'MB' baseball mitt? One of the best logos in all of sports. The Brewers deserve to lose every game in which they wear anything else.

Nationals

Reasons to root for them: They don't have Bryce Harper any more and I just feel like it would be pretty funny if they finally started to win in the playoffs once Harper was out of the picture. I mean, think of all the takes that would come out of that scenario. Was Bryce Harper holding the Nationals back? Is he an organizational curse? Are the Phillies screwed now?

Reasons to root against them: They reportedly have the most expensive beer prices of any team in the playoffs. No thanks. 

Rays

Reasons to root for them: The Rays have baseball's lowest total payroll, play in the most depressing stadium and share a division with two teams coming off 100-win seasons. The fact that they're even in the playoffs is basically nothing short of a miracle. Who doesn't love a good underdog story, especially one that would probably make Boston and New York fans furious?

Reasons to root against them: We should all always root for the lowest number of baseball games at The Trop as possible. For some reason, I think most people in Tampa will find a way to survive without the opportunity to go to Rays games. 

Athletics

Reasons to root for them: They're the only Oakland sports team that doesn't pretend it's too good for Oakland. Brad Pitt once played their general manager in a movie and this is the year of Brad Pitt. The guy might get Oscar nominations for Best Actor *and* Best Supporting Actor for his work this year.

Reasons to root against them: A few extra weeks of baseball just means more opportunity for The Coliseum dugouts to flood with sewage. 

Dodgers

Reasons to root for them: Maybe if the Dodgers finally just win the World Series they'll go away for a bit. (Worked for the Red Sox, right?) Think about how happy it would make Vin Scully. If you're not going to do it for Vin, do it for the late Marty Funkhouser. Plus, I'm morbidly curious to find out what some weirdo from LA will bring to a World Series game this year.

Reasons to root against them: At this rate I'm just kind of interested to see how many years the Dodgers can finish as runner-ups. The Buffalo Bills of baseball, baby. 

Braves

Reasons to root for them: I know absolutely zero about the Braves (not even enough to make a joke) so I asked a guy who won't shut up about them on Twitter -- CBS Sports' own Barrett Sallee:

"Super young team with players who genuinely love each other and came up with each other. Full rebuild brought success one year early last year, which makes them legit contenders this year after just being excited to be there last year. Soroka, Folty, Fried looking like the next trio of star starters like Smoltz, Maddox and Glavine (although Fried might not get a NLDS start this year)." 

Sure, why not. 

Reasons to root against them: I know absolutely zero about the Braves so I asked Twitter.

Sure, why not.

Also, watching the Braves be really good but also not really good enough might make everyone nostalgic, and nostalgia is the wave right now.

Cardinals

Reasons to root for them: For the first time ever, the city of St. Louis has the opportunity to complete the St. Louis Sweep, which is when the Blues and Cardinals win championships in the same year. (I may have just made that up but just go with it, I guess). Jon Hamm seems like a nice dude.

Reasons to root against them: Normally I'd point out that the Cardinals have "The Best Fans In Baseball" and absolutely never do anything wrong. But I won't point that out. 

Astros

Reasons to root for them: I'm assuming they're our greatest hope in avoiding a Yankees World Series berth. An Astros run will provide the people of Houston with some much-needed emotional relief from the stresses of watching a Bill O'Brien-coached football team. I will always respect the audacity of placing a train on top of your stadium.

Reasons to root against them: Speaking of wild stadium features, I lost a little bit of respect for the Astros when they removed that random hill in center field. I think more baseball stadiums should have completely unnecessary hazards scattered throughout the playing field. Why stop at a stupid hill to blow out your knee in center field? Let's put hot coals along the right field line. Just electrify an entire outfield fence. A deep spike pit behind home plate. Pace of play problem? More like pace of slay problem. 

Yankees

Reasons to root for them: Don't.

Reasons to root against them: They're the Yankees.

Twins

Reasons to root for them: Minnesota hasn't won a postseason game since 2004 and have just one playoff series win since 1991, and that's including "Little Big League," so they're due. Also, the Twins finding postseason success would be a tremendous reminder to the world that the Twins exist. 

Reasons to root against them: I would feel extremely bad for Joe Mauer if the Twins finally decided to do something significant immediately after he retired. At least wait one year before spitting in the guy's face.