There are so many suspended players in the NFL this year that we here at CBS Sports decided to make an All-Suspension Team.
There's only one rule for being on the All-Suspension Team: You have to be suspended.
Some guys on the team have been suspended for one game of the upcoming season, others have been suspended for four games and there's even one player who's suspended for the entire year.
Oh, and there is one other rule: You have to be good.
What do we mean by that?
Well, there's stiff competition to be on the All-Suspension Team, we can't take just anyone.
For instance, on the defensive line, there are a total of seven suspended players, but we couldn't take them all because we're trying to put together an actual team here. You can't start seven defensive linemen in the NFL and expect your defense to be any good, so we're not putting seven defensive linemen on the team.
Basically, this means that guys like Dion Jordan, who's suspended for the entire season, isn't listed on the All-Suspension Team because he wasn't good enough to make the cut. Jordan has, without a doubt, taken the term "draft bust" to a whole new level.
The third-overall pick in the 2012 NFL Draft flamed out with the Dolphins and now, he's not even good enough to be on this imaginary team we're putting together.
The guys that were good enough to make the All-Suspension team have combined for a total of 25 Pro Bowls. The All-Suspension Team also includes four players who were top-15 picks in the NFL Draft and one player who was a defensive rookie of the year.
Overall, the 21 players on the team will lose a combined $8.98 million in salary in 2015 for the games they're suspended.
The captains of the team are Tom Brady (offense) and Greg Hardy (defense).
If Brady should somehow get his suspension reduced to zero, then he'll be suspended from the All-Suspension Team because we can't have a non-suspended player on the All-Suspension team.
Still with me? Great.
Let's meet the NFL's 2015 All-Suspension Team, starting with the front office (yes, there's a front office).
Front office
General Manager: Ray Farmer, Browns (four games) -- Because of Farmer's text-related suspension and Brady's destroyed cell phone, it's probably best for everyone if no one on the All-Suspension Team owns a cell phone.
Coaching staff
OL coach: Aaron Kromer, Bills (six-game suspension) -- The good news? The All-Suspension Team has an offensive line coach. The bad news? The All-Suspension Team only has three offensive lineman for Kromer to coach. Due to the unavailability of an actual NFL coach, Kromer will also serve as the All-Suspension Team's defacto head coach.
Offense
QB: Tom Brady, Patriots (four games) -- The All-Suspension Team does not have any equipment managers, so if Brady's balls end up deflated, we know who did it. (Highlights: 10 Pro Bowls, four-time Super Bowl winner, two-time NFL MVP)
RB: Le'Veon Bell, Steelers (two games) -- Bell and All-Suspension teammate LeGarrette Blount are not allowed to ride to All-Suspension practice together. (Highlight: One Pro Bowl)
RB: LeGarrette Blount , Patriots (one game): Le'Veon Bell's description also applies here. (Highlight: Three touchdowns in January 2015 AFC title win over Colts)
RB: Ahmad Bradshaw, free agent (one game): The All-Suspension Team is short on offensive linemen, so we've added a third running back. (Highlight: Two Super Bowl rings)
FB: Orson Charles, Saints (one game) -- Played in 29 games over two seasons with the Bengals. Might finally win a playoff game now that's he not teammates with Andy Dalton.
TE: Antonio Gates, Chargers (four games) -- Also serves as captain of the All-Suspension's Pick-up Basketball Team. (Highlights: Eight Pro Bowls, NFL's active TD leader)
OL: Craig Watts, Chargers (two games in 2015) -- Watts was actually suspended in 2014, but was only able to serve two games out of his four-game suspension before the 2014 season ended.
OL: Eben Britton, free agent (four games) -- Got to protect Jay Cutler last year as an offensive lineman for the Bears (Highlight: Only NFL player ever named Eben).
OL (Added 8/11): Bobby Massie, Cardinals, (three games) -- Meet the newest member of the team: Bobby Massie. Massie must have heard about the All-Suspension team's depth problems at O-line because just hours after the All-Suspension story was published on Aug. 11, Massie's three game suspension was announced. Massie has started 32 games on the Cards O-line since 2012.
WR (Added 8/18): Jerome Simpson, 49ers (Six games) -- Simpson is practically a regular on the All-Suspension team. Since being drafted by the Bengals in 2008, Simpson has been suspended a total of three times, including this year. If Tom Brady's suspension gets rescinded, look for Simpson to get promoted to All-Suspension offensive captain, he has the suspension experience, having been suspended in 2012, 2014 and now 2015.
WR: Josh Gordon, Browns (entire 2015 season) -- Led the NFL in receiving in 2013. Also, has the coolest car of anyone on the All-Suspension team. (Highlight: One Pro Bowl)
WR: Ace Sanders, free agent (10 games) -- Sanders is a veteran of the All-Suspension Team. He was also suspended for the first four games of 2014
NOTE: Since there aren't any specialists suspended, this team will always go for two and never punt.
Defense
DL: Greg Hardy, Cowboys (four games) -- Will probably have long discussions with Tom Brady about why they're suspended the same amount of games. (Highlight: One Pro Bowl)
DL: Letroy Guion, Packers (three games) -- Also will not be allowed to ride to practice with Le'Veon Bell or LeGarrette Blount.
DL: Marcell Dareus, Bills (one game) -- Can ride to practice with anyone, but probably shouldn't be the one driving. (Highlights: Two Pro Bowls, third overall pick in 2011 NFL Draft)
DL: Sheldon Richardson, Jets (four games) -- If football doesn't work out, might be able to start a drag racing team with Marcell Dareus. (Highlights: One Pro Bowl, 2013 Defensive Rookie of the Year, 13th overall pick in 2013 NFL Draft)
DL: Derek Wolfe, Broncos (four games) -- Goes from playing with Peyton Manning on the Broncos to Tom Brady on the All-Suspension team. Some guys are just never destined to fail.
LB: Rolando McClain, Cowboys (four games) -- July 2 was basically draft day for the All-Suspension Team as McClain, Richardson and Gates were all handed their suspensions on the same day. (Highlight: Eighth overall pick in 2010 NFL Draft)
LB: Victor Butler, Giants (four games) -- Has only started two games in his six-year career. The All-Suspension Team clearly has a depth problem at linebacker.
LB (Added 8/12): Daryl Washington, Cardinals (Indefinite, can apply for reinstatement now): Thanks to a commenter's great suggestion, we've added Washington to the All-Suspension team. We clearly forgot to reach out to him because he was suspended so long ago that we actually forgot he was suspended. Washington was originally suspended on May 30, 2014 and hasn't played since.
DB: Jabari Price, Vikings (two games) -- Didn't start any games as a rookie in 2012. It seems the All-Suspension Team also has a depth problem at defensive back.
DB: Sean Smith, Chiefs (three games) -- Since he's one of the best corners in the NFL, we're going to give Sean Smith an important job on the All-Suspension Team: He gets to pick out the team's hats. (Highlight: 100-yard interception return for a TD in 2013)
DB: Bashaud Breeland, Redskins (one game) -- Breeland might end up being the first All-Suspension player to be put on the All-Suspension disabled list.
DB: LaRon Landry, free agent (10 games)-- Hardy might be the captain of the defense, but he doesn't get to design the team's lifting regimen. That's Landry's job. (Highlights: One Pro Bowl, sixth overall pick in 2007 NFL Draft)