Before we get to the Week 12 picks, we need to talk about Week 11 -- and when I say we need to talk about Week 11, I specifically mean we need to talk about stealing footballs from women.
First of all, I'm against it. But apparently, not everyone is.
This was basically America's reaction to what that Saints fan did to that poor Bengals fan.
The good news is that, despite what you might think, not every NFC South fan steals footballs from other people. For instance, Panthers receiver Philly Brown gave a ball to a child after scoring a touchdown on Sunday and please notice, no one stole the ball from the child.
Can you imagine if Mr. Saints fan had been in Carolina? He probably would have tackled the child, ripped the football out of his hands and then thrown the ball at the boy's dad JUST FOR FUN.
Anyway, let's stop talking about people who steal footballs and get to the Week 12 picks -- where I promise not to talk about people who steal footballs.
If you want to make fun of me for all of the wrong picks I made last week, you can do that in the comment section or on Twitter. If you hate comment sections and don't have Twitter, you can send me a telegraph. Although I'm not sure how you'd send it or how I'd get it. Actually, let's not do the telegraph.
If you don't care about NFL picks or how telegraphs work and you're just here for my weekly picture of an animal in an NFL jersey, well, I want you to know that I've outdone myself this week because you're getting a dog in an NFL jersey who's wearing sunglasses.
Once you're done trying to figure out why the dog is posing with a half empty water bottle, you can check out the weekly picks from every CBSSports.com NFL expert here.
Now let's get to the picks.
Week 12 picks
Cincinnati (6-3-1) at Houston (5-5), 1 p.m. ET (CBS): If this were a playoff game or a primetime game, I'd pick the Texans by 40, but this is a 1 p.m. game, which seems to be the only time of the day when Andy Dalton and the Bengals are any good. Cincinnati is 6-1-1 in 1 p.m. games this year. With most teams, that's a meaningless stat, but with the Bengals, it seems to be the only stat that means anything for a team that's impossible to predict.
You want more weird 1 p.m. stats? Lets take an entire season of 1 p.m. games: Over their past 16 regular season games that have started at 1 p.m., the Bengals are 13-2-1. Bengals 23-20 over Texans.
Detroit (7-3) at New England (8-2), 1 p.m. ET (FOX): Speaking of weird stats, Matthew Stafford is like the Bengals are at 1 p.m., except the opposite.
The Patriots have won 14 straight at home and it's hard to see that streak ending against a quarterback who's never won on the road against a winning team. Patriots 27-17 over Lions.
Arizona (9-1) at Seattle (6-4), 4:05 p.m. ET (FOX): I think the Cardinals are for real and I actually like Drew Stanton -- unless of course, he's playing on the road, in one of the loudest stadiums in the NFL, against a desperate team. Then I don't like Drew Stanton. Also, I don't think the Marshawn Lynch issue isn't anything four bags of skittles can't solve. Skittles solve everything. Seahawks 24-17 over Cardinals.
Miami (6-4) at Denver (7-3), 4:25 p.m. ET (CBS): If you've ever seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, that entire movie is basically based on Peyton Manning after a loss, except Manning uses a football instead of a chainsaw. Since joining the Broncos in 2012, Manning is 7-1 after a loss, with those wins coming by 29, 11, 24, 7, 24, 21 and 24. None of this is good news for Miami. The Dolphins and their second ranked defense might be able to keep this close, but not that close. Broncos 34-24 over Dolphins.
Baltimore (6-4) at New Orleans (4-6), 8:30 p.m. ET (Mon. ESPN): Here's how many times the Saints have lost three home games in a row in one season under Sean Payton: Zero. Here's how many home prime time games Drew Brees has lost since 2010: Zero (He's 12-0). Here's how many yards I think Brees will throw for against Baltimore's 21st ranked pass defense: 356. Here's how many points I think the Saints will win by on Monday: Saints 34-27 over Ravens.
Week 12 picks: All the rest
Bears 31-24 over Bucs
BYES: Pittsburgh, Carolina
Last Week
Best pick: Last week, I picked the Chiefs to beat the Seahawks 23-20 and then the Chiefs went out and beat the Seahawks 24-20. Basically, me picking Chiefs games isn't even fair anymore. I'm 10-0. It's easier than stealing a football from a girl. I mean that metaphorically, not literally. The Saints fan meant it literally.
You should never steal footballs from girls -- or anything from anyone, for that matter -- unless you're stealing a Taylor Swift album from a friend, then stealing's OK because you're doing them a favor by taking it from them. No one should be listening to Taylor Swift -- unless the Dolphins cheerleaders are lip-synching one of her songs, then it's OK.
Worst pick: I picked the Patriots to lose to the Colts in Week 11 and the Patriots definitely didn't lose to the Colts. However, it's not my fault, I blame the internet for my bad pick. Generally, I blame the internet for all bad things that happen in my life, but this time I'm serious. You see, last week I found out that Tom Brady goes to bed around 8:30 p.m. ET every night and the Colts game was scheduled to kickoff at 8:30 p.m. ET, so I figured Jimmy Garoppolo was going to start because Brady would be in bed.
I guess he went to bed at 8:30 pacific time.
Straight up in Week 11: 8-6
SU Overall: 100-60-1
Against the spread in Week 11: 7-7
ATS Overall: 80-81
Exact score predictions this season: 1