Know what would be stupid? Devoting time, resources, and the finite human will to acting like the recently concluded 2018 spring training was a real MLB season. Because it is indubitably stupid -- "indupid" for short -- this writer is undertaking just such an exercise. 

There are plenty of reasons to take spring training records and statistics less than seriously. Some players are focusing on isolated elements of their game at the expense of everything else, the quality of competition varies widely from game to game, and many are understandably concerned with getting or staying healthy rather than playing to win. All that stuff. None of that, however, is going to stop me from pretending that what happened in Cactus and Grapefruit League play was anything less than real and for keeps. 

So using the spring training standings, we're going to arrange teams according to their regular-season divisions and not whether they camped in Arizona or Florida. Then we'll poke around in our spring training stats pages to find our individual award winners. To the goods ... 

American League playoff field

All right, so this is almost a repeat of the 2017 real-life playoff field, except that the Orioles have replaced the Twins as the Yankees' Wild Card Game opponent. That sets up an all-AL East ALDS between the Red Sox and the winner of that Wild Card Game. In the other ALDS, the Astros face the Indians. "Alarmingly plausible" is how the AL bracket can be characterized. Onward ... 

National League playoff field

We have some stunners atop the divisions. The Marlins win despite the maligned teardown, the Brewers fend off the traditional NL Central powers, and the Padres emerge from their rebuild well ahead of schedule. That Cardinals-Cubs Wild Card Game would be particularly intriguing (and the winner gets to continue the intra-divisional hostilities against the Brewers in the NLDS). Meantime, the Marlins and Padres face off in one of the most unlikely playoff series in MLB history. 

Individual awards

Now let's hand out some hardware ... 

AL MVP: Dan Vogelbach, Mariners

Vogey powered the M's to a winning season with a slash line of .407/.529/.926 with seven doubles and seven home runs in 22 games. Bonus points for becoming the first .400 hitter since Ted Williams in 1941. 

Runner-up: Jonathan Schoop, Orioles

NL MVP: Nick Hundley, Giants

Buster Posey's time behind the plate receded, which made Hundley the Giants' primary catcher. Along the way, Hundley batted .385/.479/.744 with eight extra-base hits in 39 at-bats. 

Runner-up: Enrique Hernandez, Dodgers

AL Cy Young: Lance McCullers, Astros

In five starts and one relief appearance, McCullers pitched to a 1.29 ERA with no unearned runs allowed, a WHIP of 0.90, and more strikeouts than innings. 

Runner-up: Justin Verlander, Astros

NL Cy Young: Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers

Not a tough call. Kershaw made six starts without allowing a single run and struck out 23 batters against just four walks. Yes, a 0.00 ERA would nab him the MVP in a sensible universe, but I have decided from on high that the MVP is for position players. Whatever, man.

Runner-up: Julio Teheran, Braves

AL Rookie of the Year: J.D. Davis, Astros

The 24-year-old former third-rounder out of Cal State Fullerton batted .385/.406/.662 while seeing time at four different positions this spring. 

Runner-up: Sheldon Neuse, Athletics

NL Rookie of the Year: Lewis Brinson, Marlins

The Marlins' big get from the Christian Yelich trade came up big in his rookie "season." In 23 games, Brinson batted .328/.365/.586 with 10 extra-base knocks. 

Runner-up: Mike Tauchman, Rockies

AL Manager of the Year: Buck Showalter, Orioles

Showalter led the O's to a playoff berth despite low expectations and despite playing an unbalanced schedule in a division that yielded three postseason teams. 

Runner-up: Rick Renteria, White Sox

NL Manager of the Year: Don Mattingly, Marlins

They parted ways with Giancarlo Stanton, Marcell Ozuna, Yelich, and Dee Gordon, and Mattingly guided them to a division title.

Runner-up: Andy Green, Padres

Draft order

As always, the consolation prize for being bad at baseball is getting to choose a player who figures to be good at baseball. Based on the spring training standings, your top five picks go to ... 

  1. Texas Rangers (.267 W%, which scales to a 119-loss season)
  2. Cincinnati Reds (.345 W%)
  3. New York Mets (.357 W%)
  4. Pittsburgh Pirates (.367 W%)
  5. Colorado Rockies (.414 W%)

Good work, all around. 

Fired managers

OK, this is speculative, but why not? We'll say that these hypothetical results would cost three managers their jobs. Bryan Price of the Reds and Brian Snitker of the Braves, who enter the actual 2018 season on the hot seat, are gone after guiding their teams to losing seasons. We'll also say that Dave Martinez's stay in Washington is a brief one, as he guides the Nationals to a winning percentage of .433 (which projects to 92 losses) in the face of World Series expectations. Hasty? Yes, but this is team that passed on re-signing Dusty Baker after he led them to 192 wins and a pair of division titles in two seasons on the job. As you see above, the Mets stunk it up during Mickey Callaway's first year on the job, but we'll say he avoids the pink slip by moving his desk, leaving the office early after the final game of the season, and setting up an "out of town" auto-response on his email. Can't get fired if they can't email you, people. 

Whatever this has been, it's over now.