Everyone loves to hate mock drafts. I could do the best one possible, in my mind, and still get PEPPERED with comments telling me how freaking terrible it is. Oftentimes I will get picks dead-on correct in my final mock and between it being published and the actual draft happening as I predicted, I'll be told how stupid I am for said correct pick.
So, in the spirit of letting everyone call me stupid, I'm going full-blown troll and providing you the worst possible mock draft you will ever see.
Yes, that's right: I'm making TERRIBLE PICKS. And lest you think this is an outrageous exercise, let's remember the Raiders once took JaMarcus Russell with the first overall pick in a draft that featured Calvin Johnson and Joe Thomas, two can't-miss prospects who are now Hall of Famers. Jake Locker and Blaine Gabbert were drafted right in front of J.J. Watt (and Locker was taken in front of Tyron Smith too).
The Eagles drafted Jalen Reagor over Justin Jefferson ... and still went to a Super Bowl in spite of themselves. Even Bill Belichick took N'Keal Harry instead of Deebo Samuel, A.J. Brown or D.K. Metcalf.
Stop pretending your favorite NFL team makes the right decisions on draft night. NFL teams do stupid things all the time. Come join me on a voyage of bad decisions!
For more draft content, check out our latest prospect rankings and mock drafts, as well as our new weekly podcast, "With the First Pick," featuring former Vikings general manager Rick Spielman. (Check out the latest episode below.)
NFL Mock Draft
Round 1
From
Chicago Bears
Round 1 - Pick 1
Panthers fans have locked into either Young or Stroud ... so let's throw them for a loop by giving them the talented but raw Kentucky project in Will Levis. Trading all that to move up to one and draft Levis would ruffle some feathers down here in the Carolinas.
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Round 1 - Pick 2
Bryce Young fell in the Texans lap ... and they still took C.J. Stroud! Texans fans will be furious over this.
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Round 1 - Pick 3
"The Cardinals can't take a quarterback!" Cardinals fans continue to scream, completely ignoring the fact the Cardinals drafted Kyler Murray when they already had a quarterback. Just trade Kyler!
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Round 1 - Pick 4
This pick is specifically designed to make Jim Irsay angry. Drafting a pass rusher when a QB is sitting right there might get Chris Ballard fired on the spot (I actually think it's possible they do this anyway for real, which is even more entertaining).
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From
Denver Broncos
Round 1 - Pick 5
DO IT PETE CARROLL. DO IT. RASHAAD PENNY IS GONE. KENNETH WALKER GOT HURT AND YOUR RUN GAME STRUGGLED. GENO IS LOCKED. DOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTT.
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From
Los Angeles Rams
Round 1 - Pick 6
The Lions have invested heavily in the offensive line in recent years so this would be a pretty big shock!
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Round 1 - Pick 7
Maybe Raiders fans would like this? Richardson sitting behind Jimmy G for a year and then taking over would be fun. I mostly wanted to make people mad by having him slide and honoring the late Al Davis with the most athletic pick possible.
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Round 1 - Pick 8
Surely someone is going to be mad about their team taking Carter in the top 10, why not the Falcons, who have more pressing needs on the defensive side of the ball. Plus it will make Bears fans mad!
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From
Carolina Panthers
Round 1 - Pick 9
How could Bears fans possibly be upset at Ryan Poles for getting Justin Fields help?! This feels like a good start to that...
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From
New Orleans Saints
Round 1 - Pick 10
The Eagles have used high draft capital on a TE when they had a stud on the roster before, so this isn't TOO far fetched. It's hard to find something that would make Eagles fans mad short of Howie Roseman drafting another wide receiver here.
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Round 1 - Pick 11
GREAT VALUE! But Titans fans would be pretty miffed at going defense instead of OL or WR I'd think.
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From
Cleveland Browns
Round 1 - Pick 12
The old "pair the QB with his college receiver even though you brought in like four pass catchers this offseason" move never fails!
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Mock Trade from
New York Jets
Round 1 - Pick 13
OH YEAH JETS FANS ... you gave up a first round pick for Aaron Rodgers. Feeling good? Packers fans you cool with a three-name pass rusher from Iowa? Cool, cool, cool.
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Round 1 - Pick 14
Bill Belichick needs a burner. And nothing would excite Patriots fans more than Belichick drafting a wideout in the first round.
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Mock Trade from
Green Bay Packers
Round 1 - Pick 15
JUST KIDDING IT WAS A SWAP OF FIRST-ROUND PICKS. Now everyone is mad for a whole host of different reasons! Troll your boat, baby. Gonzalez is a stud but Jets fans would probably prefer help for Aaron Rodgers.
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Round 1 - Pick 16
Under no circumstances will Daniel Snyder allow his young quarterback to be helped, no sir, not as he's in the middle of selling the team.
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Round 1 - Pick 17
Maybe this is a miss, but I like the idea of Pittsburgh drafting SOLELY based on JPJ's dad playing for them.
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Round 1 - Pick 18
The Lions do actually need help at tight end but not drafting any defensive help in the first round with two picks might cause a a bit of an uproar.
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Round 1 - Pick 19
It was hard to find someone that wouldn't help the Bucs, but drafting a tackle prospect who is likely going to play the right side would be fairly amusing maybe?
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Round 1 - Pick 20
You could argue the Seahawks DO need wide receiver help, at least for the long haul. Still, this first round would perplex many. Reaching for Josh Downs (who should be a first-round pick IMO) would be very Seattle of them.
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Round 1 - Pick 21
Given the issues with Austin Ekeler, the Chargers need to figure out the RB situation, but this would likely anger some fans.
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Round 1 - Pick 22
The Ravens have big needs elsewhere but decide to shore up the offensive line some more...
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Round 1 - Pick 23
Maybe Vikings fans would like another receiver? Feels like weapons on offense isn't their biggest concern right now after last year's defensive performance though.
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Round 1 - Pick 24
This feels like a luxury pick (although getting Trevor Lawrence championship level protection might be a good idea).
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Round 1 - Pick 25
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Round 1 - Pick 26
It gets much harder to troll teams when you move further down the board but an in-line tight end for the Cowboys fits Mike McCarthy nicely!
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Round 1 - Pick 27
I've given the Bills a corner before and it managed to make their fans mad so let's go back to the well here.
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Round 1 - Pick 28
A wide receiver for the Bengals? IN THIS ECONOMY?
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From
Denver Broncos
Round 1 - Pick 29
I'm not sure if this is actually trolling Saints fans but please be aware that I put no effort into this pick if you're not mad about it.
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Round 1 - Pick 30
Again, Philly is kind of tough to troll because the roster is in such good shape with the veterans coming back.
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Round 1 - Pick 31
Really should have gone running back here to make Chiefs fans mad but hopefully this will do.
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